Ernio Hernandez

An arcade owner and operator in central California admitted, in an IAMA session on Reddit, that those addictive claw machines — wherein you endlessly attempt to grab a plush toy, fake sports jersey or other random goodie with a three-pronged claw that you maneuver via a control on the outside of the glass — are fixed! Our world is crumbling!

You can argue whether frosting or buttercream or ganache makes the best addition to a cupcake.  We’re pretty sure no one would debate for what a teenager in St. Paul, Minnesota allegedly filled a cupcake with for his classmate — semen.

If you’re sensing a disturbance in the force, you may be picking up on Roseville, California. That’s where Obiwan Kenobi was arrested for fleeing (possibly to Tatooine) the scene of a five-car pileup.

Remember in the movie ‘Black Swan’ when Natalie Portman makes out with Mila Kunis? This story has nothing to do with that. We just wanted to think about that scene again. It’s also the only way to brighten up this awful story about a swan caretaker that was attacked by… yep, swans — and drowned.