Chubby Checker Settles Out of Court with Makers of ‘Chubby Checker’ Penis-Measuring App
In legal news that could have wide-ranging implications for artists whose names can also be used as genital-themed euphemisms, Chubby Checker has come to an unspecified agreement with the makers of ‘Chubby Checker,’ an app that purported to help users determine the length of a man’s penis using his shoe size.
The Guardian reports that Checker’s $500 million lawsuit for trademark infringement and “irreparable damage and harm,” mounted in 2013 against Hewlett-Packard, has been settled out of court. As is standard in these situations, the terms of the deal haven’t been publicly disclosed, but the app — programmed for the Palm operating system owned by HP — has been unavailable for purchase since being pulled from the independent House of Palm website in 2012.
Promising an end to “disappointment or surprise,” the 99-cent app promised to help “you ladies out there” who have started “seeing someone new and wondering what the size of there (sic) member is.” Sadly for the developers, few customers seemed to see the need for surreptitious chubby checking; in the two years it was available before being whacked with a cease & desist order, it reportedly saw a mere 84 downloads — which didn’t stop Checker’s lawyer from warning, “We cannot sit idly and watch as technology giants or anyone else exploits the name or likeness of an innocent person with the goal of making millions of dollars.”
With this legal trauma thrust behind him and all lingering traces of consumer confusion cleared up, Checker can presumably look forward to surging sales of his Chubby Checker’s Snacks line, which includes beef jerky (which claims to have “beaten them all” in “the taste contest”), Pony Punch (Only available in bulk orders, please call for pricing and details), and Checker Chocolate (including the Checkerbar, an option for your next fundraiser).