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Chris Allen’s Good and Bad List of Valentine’s Day Gifts

(Photo by Andreas Rentz/Getty Images for Laurel)

I’m not the most romantic guy on the planet, but I know BAD when I see it. This year I’m making a list that will help you ladies get your men into shape, guys, pay attention I’m doing this to help you.

Bad Idea-Gift certificate to a gym. It says, you’re fat and I wish you would change.

Good Idea-Two gift certificates to the gym, with an invitation to dinner for two at a trendy, healthy place to eat. It says, I want to get healthy let’s do it together.

Bad Idea-Iron, cookware, or cleaning supplies. It says, if you don’t know your place in this home here it is. She deserves to hit you with a frying pan.

Good Idea-Iron her clothes, cook her dinner, and clean the bathroom. It says I love you very much and you do a great job but you need a break.

Bad Idea-Oil change, although it is a smart gift, not a romantic one. Women like a personal gift, one with thought and meaning.

Good Idea-Oil Massage, this one you can do yourself, or you can get her a spa day that includes an oil rubdown. This one has some thought.

Bad Idea-Anything from a convenience store. This includes a tree freshener, slushy, candy bar or those fake flowers they sell. What kind of woman is impressed with those?

Good Idea-Anything from a store that smells. I mean a store with candles, potpourri, foofy stuff that you hate hanging out in. That’s where you buy her something. Women like baths and spraying stuff in the air that makes them smell good.

Bad Idea-Stuffed Animals, what does this say? You are a child, c’mon…..really, what does a grown woman want with a stuffed animal? How do they know you didn’t get it from the claw machine at a Chuck E Cheese store.

Good Idea-A stuffed animal with a card, some candy and a hand written note to join you on a flight or cruise. Then the animal becomes a prop and not the main gift.

Bad Bad Idea-Nothing, this is the worst idea. She would rather have a gas station birthday card stuffed with money than nothing. I’m not saying women are greedy, but nothing means you don’t think about them and they don’t matter.

Good Idea-Make it personal, use your imagination, listen to her and remember. That mean more than anything. If she mentioned she likes George Clooney movies and sitting in her sweats and napping, give her a gift certificate for a day off with a dvd of a good Clooney flick. OR, spend all your money getting George Clooney to come to your house and divorce her for cheating on you!!!

Just kidding, Happy Valentine’s Day!

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