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Bank Robber Desperately Wants Jail to Get Away From Wife

This guy wants to trade his ball and chain for another ball and chain.

A 70-year-old man in Kansas City, Kan. robbed a bank last week and then waited for police to arrest him because he preferred jail to living with his wife (cue the “he’d rather be in the big house than his own” joke).

Lawrence John Ripple made off with a hair more than $2,900 and then hightailed it to the lobby where he waited for cops to cuff him. He even chatted up a security guard, telling him, “I’m the guy you’re looking for.”

More proof Ripple made the easiest arrest in history? The bank he robbed was only block from police headquarters.

He told police he and his wife had had a fight and he wrote his holdup note in front of her, saying he’d rather go to jail than remain in the house with her, which has got to be the most glowing endorsement of being a bachelor that’s ever been recorded in human history.

Ripple, who relatives believe may be dealing with the onset of mental illness, apologized to his wife while in court and, in the cruelest of irony, sent him back home until he has to go back to court for another hearing. On a positive note, he does face up to 20 years in prison, so his plan may pay off yet.

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